How Toxic Relationships Compare to Addictions

I think without ever actually realizing, he was breaking me under the surface.That’s what they say an addiction is, not actually knowing how bad the situation has come to. It’s not having any ability to see the effect.
But everyone around you does. “It’s not healthy,” I’d hear in a repetitive chorus.
It’s only when you admit you have a problem, can you get the help you need. But you have to want to change your habits in order to do that.
I don’t think I was addicted to him. I was addicted to the idea of what we could be.He painted these ideas in my head of a future. I believed every word.
But, this addiction wasn’t one that you can see with rotting teeth or marks on your arm. This addiction was invisibly destroying me from the inside out.
But, like every addict there comes a point where you see the affect of the destructive choices you make.
I stood realizing I welcomed loneliness more than I did company. I looked at a phone full of texts, I didn’t answer. I canceled more dates, than I’d go on. I dropped people without a single word, moments it was about to go right. I welcomed one-night stands, just so I could be the one to leave. I hurt people, just because I could and didn’t really feel bad about it.
And the only arms I ran to, were the same one’s that caused me to become this person I no longer recognized in the first place.
That’s what an addiction is, trying to find comfort in the same thing that destroys you.
Trying to put yourself back together becomes difficult, when do it with the thing that broke you.
Like every addict they go through withdraw at first. You miss it. You get consumed, by what you no longer have. You convince yourself you need it, yearning for just one more hit.
But, with time you learn to live without it or it’ll kill you.
Addictions aren’t always toxic substances. Sometimes toxic people can kill you in the same way.
While toxic people may not be what puts you six feet under, they kill something more about you. They kill a spirit within you.
The road to recovery is never an easy one. It’s never simply cutting them out. It’s never simply just getting better. It’s never a simple task to go back to the person you were, before you met.
Because, like any recovering addict, they know that person you were before will never be able to exist again.
There is a beauty, when you rise from the ashes of self-destruction. It’s only then you have the potential to be someone you never thought you could be.
The first step is wanting to become clean. It’s remembering that high you got off of them, didn’t even compare to the depths of the abyss you fell into when it wore off.
It’s making the decision you’d rather live, than live a life half alive. It’s realizing you deserve more.

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